We Let Time Slip Away From Us

Dear....

I haven’t done this in a while. I haven’t felt this feeling for quite some time now. I can’t say that I’ve ever forgot about him, that would be a lie. I can’t even lie to myself about that. I can’t trick myself, because when it came to him, I never could. I’m not quite sure if I miss him - sometimes I think I do.

Today was one of my bad days, overflowing with everything that was him. I’m not quite sure what sparks them, but every now and again they resurface in my mind. They make me smile, but they leave me wishing they could be something more than just memories I share with someone I no longer know. I wonder if those memories mean anything to him, like they do to me.

Each and every time this happens, when this strange feeling washes over me, I try to figure out why. The answers always seem to elude me. Sometimes I try to figure out what I’m feeling, because truthfully I don’t know. I worry I’m alone in this; I know I become far too attached to people far too fast. Does he miss me too? Did I fall in love alone?

I know we’ve both moved on, away from one another. It’s hard to let go of someone when you can’t be sure of what could have been. That's the worst part in all of this mess. I think it’s my fault. I’ll take all the blame. I was the one who tried to tell myself he didn’t feel the same and I was the one who found someone else - that someone else wasn’t worth it. None of it was worth it. It was my mistake. I was the one who walked away.

If I could say one thing, I would say I’m sorry. This is my apology to him. It’s been so long, I don’t know how else to go about it. Maybe he’ll never read this, and maybe I never meant anything to him at all, but one thing I do know is at one point, he meant everything to me.

I wonder if he still thinks about me too.