Perfection Is Our Heart's Greatest Illusion

It's a mirror just waiting to shatter. It occurs for the shortest amounts of time just so it can break you into a million pieces when your castle walls finally cave in. Emotional pain subdues physical pain any day. With physical pain you heal in time, and even though they say "time heals all wounds," the emotional pain never really leaves you. Who are 'they' anyways? Their unmistaken philosophy could not be any more wrong. What are you suppose to do when it feels as though the world you know is becoming the world you knew and crumbling beneath you? Are you suppose to prepare for the fall? No. No amount of preparation could ever prepare you for the fall that is about to come. We live, we love, and we break. How do we fix ourselves though? Hopeless abandonment is its own bitter-sweet symphony, but I'm not going to write you a symphony my dear friend - in the end, you'll write one all on your own. So go ahead and put on your light show baby, because it'll only last for a night.

Everything looks perfect from far away, don't fool yourself into thinking you're anything special.

The Russian Roulette of Emotions

The game of jealousy - it's a game we all take part in, whether we're aware of it or not. We're either the lion or the lamb, the victim of silent actions or the victim of words, spoken from the lips of a killer. It's a rather sick game, the Russian Roulette of emotions - it's deadly. The only difference is, this twisted game of jealousy we all play is inevitable. How does this game work though if someone is trying to use it for personal gain, for the attention of a certain individual? Granted, not so well if that person has caught on to their convoluted mind games. I suppose in the end it'll all play out like a game of cards, with the old saying of "if you play with fire, you'll get burned" attached to the end so loosely, but just enough to tag along for the ride.

The actions of jealousy give voice to the words we can't bring ourselves to say.

A World Away

It's almost like a scene from a movie, the whole girls meets boy cliche of this new chapter I've opened within my life because of you. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that it's real, that you're real. I just wonder, how could someone a world away be so intertwined with my most inner thoughts, feelings, and interests - with me as an individual? I find it so mesmerizing that my mind has a difficult time wrapping itself around the idea of you - the idea that you aren't an illusion of fantasy, but a living breathing human being. You amaze me in so many more ways than one; my words will just become a convoluted mess in an attempt to explain them, so I will keep this short. If I were the patient, you would be the ever so sweet compazine there to sooth my pain. My addiction to you, to your company sometimes worries me, but if I never met you, these feelings I bring to the realm of reality through this writing could not possibly exist and as I've learned, those simple ideas speak louder than any words ever could.

This was written for Ivan.

The Light Within the Darkness

As I slumber, your voice echoes through my mind - a voice I haven't heard in what seems like a lifetime. You connect the stars in my night sky as though they are the dots belonging to a childish puzzle - creating an image, just clear enough of an outline to give me hope for what is to come. For you are the sunlight on my darkest days of living, and without you my world has been the room of a young child with their nightlight containing a burned out bulb - bringing forth my fear of the dark.

The fear of darkness, no matter how large or small, harbors itself within every one of us.

My Planet's Last Dance

My trust with the people I most cherish in my life dwindles as the stars in my sky bleed a deeper blue than most, creating a world much darker than one should ever be. Could a past experience cause someone so much unrecognized emotional pain that they begin to mistrust the world in which they live? Sometimes I feel as though this is the case for me. I worry that without even realizing it, I am reliving my past in this very present moment of time. I understand this is a perfect example of when the much too often heard phrase of "forgive and forget" comes into play, acting as the Joker in a game we too often gamble away. Although, I find myself questioning the entire idea behind that phrase, because as humans how do we know when to draw the line? Certainly not all things should be forgotten, for we would have no memories. It appears as though I push the most important people away with the unintentional barriers I put up around myself; for those of you that tear them down, I am undeniably grateful. As I am, I relive my past in my present and leave the future as it is; a whole new solar system awaiting its discovery, for this is my planet's last dance.

I cannot bring myself to forget what you've done, allowing you to take hold of my soul like the leech that you are.

Friendship and Love, One in the Same

I cannot begin to describe the rage dwelling within me because of a recent fallout with someone I called my friend. I understand that what I am about to say may appear rather melancholic to many people, but it's in all honesty, the truth; what is friendship? In some cases you may believe it's what you share with someone, but is it really that when it can be broken apart and shattered before your eyes by just a few simple words? A split second can turn your world upside down, because you gave an individual the power to do so. Is that really right? If what you and that person shared was 'friendship,' would they really have been so cold as to use the power you so trustingly placed in the palm of their hand against you?

When you start to question the faith you hold in someone you so willingly refer to as a friend, the difficult realization hits that the term 'friendship' is thrown around as freely as that simple four letter word. It may be with the same person over and over again, or various amounts of people, but the problems faced rest upon a horizon too wide, or too broad rather for us simple minded humans to even dream of measuring to the point of comprehension. I suppose this is just a part of 'life' and someday we'll learn to overcome it, but for now we're stuck dealing with the backstabbing and lies high school life throws at us all on our own.

For the pleasure of calling you my friend has now ended, the memories will always remain.